'Start-Off'

*me, wishing you a splendid Ramadhan ahead!

Salam wbt!

Ramadhan Mubarak, beautiful people!

So, i'm starting this off with how i end my first Ramadhan for this year. A little dull, if you ask me haha. But, it went well.

For the past few weeks, i've been dreading to let my heart out about how i hated life and the desicions i'm forced to abide by. Like, seriously. To the people around me, some of them are well-aware about how i managed to apply to Ulum Islamiah in Al-Azhar, Egypt. that being said, me and umiayah had already done the requirements and stuffs needed like passport-renewing, arabic-translation, copy-proof and etc.

At that point, wallahi i was a happy nut. Considering the fact that, at first my application to it didn't really caught my parents eyes', but then- the qualification which i managed to obtained kinda made my parents move in preparing the requirements and what-not.

But then, something came up. Not just something-something, but something big. Which then made my parents went two-hearted with all this Egypt-thingy and apparently, made my world a little crumbling down. Why not right? It was a dream of mine to further my studies in the anbiya' land.
*sobbing.

Long story short, my parents and i had a heart-to-heart talk about how my future would be, what careers should i enroll in and stuffs, you know the one which decides your upcoming-life. Taking all in consideration, from the work-field market, life-costs, the accommodations, which later on made my parents in persuading me into getting into the teacher's-field (IPG).

Truth be told, i am still a little bewailing each and every time this pops in my mind. I know
i shouldn't question and am supposed to follow, unquestioningly but then, it's hard. And i consider that a good thing, i mean to be worrying about my future hahaha.

Upon continuing this *this will never get short, silly me!, i cried the whole time after iftar about this. That lament feeling inside of you is just unbearable. It hurts and at the same time, strangely toughening.

I went on asking on some trust-able people on this which later to no avail except for this one particular answer from a good friend of mine.

He *publicly-stating his gender then quoted,

Al-Baqarah, 216.
"Fighting is enjoined on you, and it is an object of dislike to you; and it may be that you dislike a thing while it is good for you, and it may be that you love a thing while it is evil for you, and God knows, while you do not know."

This hit me so hard. Like hard as a rock *hyper-ball detected. 

I've been so blind in pursuing things in which i knew too little about. I've been so enthusiastic in reaching and aiming for the highest star in the sky when which all i was prepared is just beyond the skyline, never to pass the atmosphere to space. *yes, i am fond with english-lit.

Since this is going too boringly-long, i'm just gonna end this with some quote *read; whatsapp messages from the same guy *again public-ly stating his gender. But this time, in Malay hiks
*i beg your pardon.


A good mentor, 13th May, 2312 hrs.
"Sungguh. Putaran suka dan duka perlu ada. Kau juga perlu menangis, bukan cuma pandai ketawa kerna kau bukan orang gila. Kau perlu sakit juga agar kau tahu pedihnya luka, lalu tahu nimat kesembuhannya. Sesekali kau juga perlu tersasar agar kau tahu indahnya istighfar'.

13th May, 2334 hrs.
Apapun, wala dgn mak ayah mu. Dorang tau yang terbaik buatmu. Dorang tuu yg banyak titipkan kau pada Allah. Jadi dorang buat pilihan terbaik.

13th May, 2336 hrs.
Kalau mau keluar merantau menuntut ilmu. Jadikan Imam Syafie sbg idola. Kalau mau menetap berada di negara sendiri, jadikan Imam Malik sebagai panduan.

Mana2 alasanmu, kau kena buat untuk ummah. Kerana ummah sekarang tenat, Lagi2 muslimah.

13th May, 2355 hrs.
Belajarlah mencintai takdir hidup kita. Saat kita berusaha lalu berjaya, saat kita merancang namun terhalang, saat kita meminta namun hampa, bahkan pada setiap saat dan ketika, yang kita suka atau tidak suka, percaya pada hikmahnya.

Belajarlah erti sebenar iman. Ia bukan setakat percaya wujudnya satu Tuhan, bahkan pada banyaknya cabang ketentuan. Pada setiap nikmat yang diterima, ada amanah yang dibawa bersama. Pada setiap kekecewaan yang dititipkan, ada perlindungan dan ada ganjaran. Pada setiap kehilangan yang diratapi, pasti ada pengganti. Be strong!

A massive thank you. Jazzakallah khair, mentor. May He reward you Jannah, for this. Alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah.

Spread the khayr! Wassalam.

Ps; To whom who was concern about how i felt these past few days like Umai and Kak Ezzah, i'm fine now, alhamdulillah. More calmer and rational. And to whom may be in the same shoes, i really hope this would help, even in the tiniest way possible. Cc; Tambs and the soon-IIUMers, ameen.